an amazing week of getting away and dealing with this stuff in my head. Learning and thinking and watching it all come together (or fall apart) for some people that i love. Life is an ocean and these waves come with cycles of high tide and lo tide, with crashing waves and fun rides, sunrises and sunsets, drowning and rescuing.
another struggle, trial, fight- is it me? of course and her too. and then of course there's other influences involved in all of this. 3 kids that are kids, that run and play and have more enrgy than we do. Not enough time, or sleep, or joy or luaghter- too much stress and pain, and cussing and crying.
yesterday was a wet hair sunday (the best kind) soaked in the love of God, dripping of potential and excitement. Staring the future in the face with smiles and bright shining eyes- pain is released adn life is full, healing, restoration, hope, love- remembering my salvation would be helpful here, but there's no time for that... but here's to you Olivia and Logan, don't let them tell you you're wrong, it's your's through inheritance, take this world and love it til it's a better place.
i'll be ok. i'll learn from these mistakes. someday i'll figure out that those moments of clarity and peace are the way it's always supposed to be. New Orleans, Ensenada, Mexico...
Monday, July 16, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
the most complicated
my eyes burn right now like when you've been crying a lot. I haven't been, just almost or on the verge most of today.
i need to write about [RE]NOLA, but that will have to wait for now while the more pressing matter of poo flying off these fan blades spews from my heart/head/eyes...
I've noticed lately that this is always complicated there are no short cuts or easy steps to doing life, or church, or work, or family. It's always complicated and alway hard- and if i were to read a book or follow someone else's guide to success- it would be easier- it would always feel fake- i don't want to fake life (at least not anymore).
'I've got to get out of the suburbs' and things might change - New York or New Orleans or Orlando or... pick a city, give your 2 weeks notice today pack my things move away
things get hard then harder, then she's on th phone complain' when today doesn't go her way- printers jam, and computers go slow- and it's all so meaningless when when my heart is still in the city. Wondering those streets hoping my eyes notice someone i can spend my day helping, my energy loving, a need where i can use my hands building- but here i sit in pain.
july 4th, 60 degree salt water, sunburns, bombs bursting in air, 4 in a double bed, dread wax, surf wax, bungee straps and long boards, mini vans,whining, screaming, yengling traditional lager, new life, boat on the roof
and today sucks- the yelling and cussing, and plans changing, just too hard, and so it goes. Threats and words meant to cause pain, loud voices and sadness, the confessions to 3 year olds and rides in the truck to get away. we both know the truth, we both know what it's going to take, but until one of us breaks it's just going to suck.
and my throat hurts like when you've been crying all day, I haven't been, just almost or on the verge most of today.
i need to write about [RE]NOLA, but that will have to wait for now while the more pressing matter of poo flying off these fan blades spews from my heart/head/eyes...
I've noticed lately that this is always complicated there are no short cuts or easy steps to doing life, or church, or work, or family. It's always complicated and alway hard- and if i were to read a book or follow someone else's guide to success- it would be easier- it would always feel fake- i don't want to fake life (at least not anymore).
'I've got to get out of the suburbs' and things might change - New York or New Orleans or Orlando or... pick a city, give your 2 weeks notice today pack my things move away
things get hard then harder, then she's on th phone complain' when today doesn't go her way- printers jam, and computers go slow- and it's all so meaningless when when my heart is still in the city. Wondering those streets hoping my eyes notice someone i can spend my day helping, my energy loving, a need where i can use my hands building- but here i sit in pain.
july 4th, 60 degree salt water, sunburns, bombs bursting in air, 4 in a double bed, dread wax, surf wax, bungee straps and long boards, mini vans,whining, screaming, yengling traditional lager, new life, boat on the roof
and today sucks- the yelling and cussing, and plans changing, just too hard, and so it goes. Threats and words meant to cause pain, loud voices and sadness, the confessions to 3 year olds and rides in the truck to get away. we both know the truth, we both know what it's going to take, but until one of us breaks it's just going to suck.
and my throat hurts like when you've been crying all day, I haven't been, just almost or on the verge most of today.
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